my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
