I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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