I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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