Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
