During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize