and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
