The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
