My room smells like vodka and shame
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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