i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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