he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want to make out with him forever
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
