On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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