I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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