just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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