Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
