Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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