as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
too bad you live with your parents still
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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