You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you never un-have a 4some
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
