Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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