I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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