Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
