she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
