The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
