Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
