Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
