we have officially lost it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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