True but thats because hes a fetus.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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