You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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