wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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