We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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