Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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