I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
