i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
