"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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