DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize