weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
