i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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