He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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