hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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