we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
