There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
