On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Randomize
