hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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