And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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