I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
