Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
