This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
