Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
