i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
