Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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