I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
