Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
