By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
