dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You are the jesus of drinking
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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