I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he shaved USA in his pubs
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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