How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
