Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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