yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
