I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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