Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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