Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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