Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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