worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
