You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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