Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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