u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
