So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
