My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just want nice things and good sex
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
