If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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