You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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